I’m glad I decided to tag surf, for I found an entry posted tonight entitled “The Search for Alone Time” that made me feel not so alone at Eleanor’s Trousers. I had just fled from my mother-in-law’s place to come home to cry myself to sleep, and it is good I came onto my computer first. Not that I’m having a problem with my mother-in-law–it’s a friend of a friend who plays video games with my husband and plays a lot with our almost eight year old boy. I don’t like it that a twenty-something plays with our son so much (no, I’m not worried about child molestation but I wouldn’t let them alone now) for they rough house too much and I don’t like this guy getting my son all riled up and letting him get used to such rough play, for then he gets rough with kids. I’ve been keeping my mouth shut out of respect for my husband and the friend that brings this guy and because I am told that my son likes him so much, but I shouldn’t have, for tonight he says my son kicked him in the face, and when I don’t know what happened, if he yelled at my son, but my son was crying and fled into another room. I responded to my son’s hurt by going in and holding him, and then bringing him out to the computer with me where I was playing World of Warcraft with my husband–because my husband actually pays attention to me then, for the rare times we are both at home I have my school work or he has his nose stuck in a Harry Potter book and I can be talking with him not hearing anything. I finally managed to get him to stop crying and wailing like he was and yelling how he hated the guy, that he was mean, when the guy comes over and asks if I will be around after my son goes to bed, because he needed to talk to me. That didn’t sound good, so I honestly said that I had already planned to go home soon to nap before getting back to my copious homework for grad school–and also, truthfully, we had nothing that we needed to talk about.  I couldn’t see any issue looming that he needed to have such a serious chat with me.  And, anyone approaching like that probably has something that I really don’t want to hear, and it would be sheer stupidity to bring up such an issue when I am already stressed to the point where my profile picture on Facebook is “Don’t Make Me Get My Flying Monkeys” and the witch threatening Dorothy, and last week I had a nightmare that I killed myself.

This guy starts going on saying how awful a parent I was for “coddling” my son after he had kicked him in the face. How the hell was I supposed to know what was going on? I didn’t know why my son was upset or that he supposedly kicked the guy in the face–as I told him, I don’t have much sympathy for the way he plays with my son he brings that on himself. This guy is a verbal taunter, and I’ve learned to ignore him or else I would be blowing my top all the time, and he upsets my son too when he gets into this childish playground mode. Even if I hadn’t been “so wrapped up in that stupid game” (which the asshole himself introduced us to and got my husband hooked on–hypocrite!!!) –by the way, we are neglectful parents because that computer game is “more important than our son” in his eyes–I wouldn’t have paid attention to everything that was being said on the other side of the basement because they are always yelling when I am told they are “just playing” so I filter out the shit that goes on or else I would start yelling myself and not allow the guy to play with my son.

Then the guy is crying when he is saying how neglectful we are, and going on about ignoring the most precious thing in our lives, he wish he had my life, etc.–that he’s never going to have a child of his own. I told him not with that attitude! He’s too antagonistic I wouldn’t set up any of my girlfriend’s his age with him–if he’d let the chip off of his shoulder and not have to put everyone down to make himself feel better I think I would actually like him, for when he is not in jerk mode trying to prove to everyone he is right and they are wrong, no matter what the topic (my husband cannot bear to discuss politics with him anymore for this reason, and I often have to calm my mate down after a bout with this guy because he is so upset and wound up by this guys baiting and putting down my husband for his views–btw, my husband just turned 42 and this kid is around 24), he is actually funny and quite intelligent. If he wants to be a dad so much, he should be able to find someone to share a life with if he curbs this personality problem–all hope is not lost, as he seems to feel it is. Even someone I want to kick in the nuts right now I believe can change–if he wants to enough and believes in his goals!

He said he wished he had my life. I won’t reiterate all my health problems listed in Whining Alert–This is My Reality–I’ll just say I suffer trying to be a mom, a student–which I am doing so I can get trained in a job I can physically do, to teach and to write so I can make money to help my family–and a wife. I am doing the best that I god damned can with the energy I have, and if this kid doesn’t think I have what it takes, well fuck him!

I apologize for the foul language, but I am a trucker’s daughter after all, and sometimes the only words that mean what I want to say are swear words–they are an expression of degrees of the level of anger or frustration or whatever one is trying to express. If I let loose with the swear words in my blog, someone crossed the line with me and I’m not holding back anymore.

At least I have support from my mother-in-law, who assures me that my son is not neglected, and she supports me in my getting my education–I wouldn’t have graduated in May with my bachelor’s without her! And she tells me that if this guy keeps doing stuff like this, upsetting my son and rough housing with him too much, he won’t be welcome. I hate to have my troubles purged by a banning, for that would essentially ban the friend who brings him, for a rift would begin then. The guy did try to apologize, but I wasn’t up to hearing about it at the time. Maybe after I have taken a nap I will go back down to my mother-in-law’s and play with my husband again, after our son is asleep and supposedly it will be okay to “neglect” my parental duties. And maybe I will listen to him then. But I had to get out before I said anything worse that had been boiling up in me over the years listening to them play and shout because someone got too rough–his responsibility to stop it if he thinks my son is too rough. (I’m not there most of the time, because weekends are my homework time–and I don’t like to be around this guy when he’s being a jerk, so I have often stayed away for that reason.) The guy thinks it is okay to let my son pound on him and climb on his back–I’ve been pissed off for a long time and said so, because then my son is too rough with his cousin who also plays with him or kids we meet at the playground–I’m not interested in him suddenly whining about being kicked in the face.

Okay, I will say it first–I’m a BITCH!!!! And this fucking bitch is going to bed now, because she has been up too long and needs to refresh and recharge to work on papers that will help her go towards her master’s degree so she can teach at a community college as a day job and meet other people who will help her towards a writing and filmmaking career. I just hope I don’t have any nightmares . . . I’ve already been having enough of those!

Sorry for the rant, but if you read this far, something must have interested you!!!!